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NOTHING LEFT BUT THE SMELL: A REPUBLICAN* ON WELFARE The world's first One-woman Food Stamp
Variety Show written and performed by Erika Lopez |
Erika Lopez P.O. Box 410011 / San Francisco, CA 94141
Click on photos below to see full 300dpi high resolution version to download (WARNING: High-res versions are large files, up to 1.4MB).Laughing Photos credit: Debra McClinton (.com)
"A slack-jawed, white-knuckle chuckle stroll towards the 60-watt bulb lighting America's future -- it's horrifying, hysterical and worst of all it's REAL. 'Nickel and Dimed' without the ruby-red-slippered return home. Erika's still attempting to pay her rent like the rest of us." --Hilary Goldberg, Filmmaker/performer
A barely-has-been that never was, Erika Lopez was known as the up-and-coming, "half-Puerto Rican Quaker bisexual" author of four books ("Flaming Iguanas"; "Lap Dancing for Mommy"; "They Call Me Mad Dog"; and, "Hoochie Mama: The Other White Meat"), who hit the BIG TIME with big daddy, Simon & Schuster. She curled up on their big lap, took their wallet and toured the country on the big publisher's budget, ate rare filet mignon seared with freshly ground pepper, left big tips, and even appeared on Tom Snyder's late night show in a leopard velvet dress with $2 in her purse before she threw it all away by playing chicken with the American Dream and repeatedly shooting herself in the foot.
Too sloppy and sporting far too much attitude to join the ranks of Latina maids, she dragged her sorry and surprised butt to the welfare line where she stood for hours, blood and creative juices pooling in her ankles, making them thick as ham hocks. Before long, her attitude was unbearable, "Grandma Lopez" had taken over, and she was slouched in the crusty waiting room plotting her revenge.
Well, it's not quite like keying America's tax-break SUVs (been there, done that) but now, in a real dramatic stretch, Mrs. Grandma Lopez is still a burden to the state (and calling it her "special art grant") and playing the ultimate Welfare Queen in... NOTHING LEFT BUT THE SMELL: A REPUBLICAN ON WELFARE. It's a spoken-word jag about being a sorely-mistaken, middle class pipsqueak, thinking you're gonna have it all--at least be beyond visiting clinics by age 35--only to end up in the welfare line, jotting down cranky notes in the margins of the salmon-colored multi-lingual food stamp application so you can star in your own variety show about it later.
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BONUS!--At every show, Mrs. Grandma Lopez is introducing her new line of homemade welfare beauty products, CRACK HO' GLOW ("Smack n' Blow Lip Balm"; "Brother Can You Spare a Dime?" Soap with actual surprise dime; and "Welfare After-Bath Refreshing Mist" in a middle-class, freshly mowed lawn scent). [Click here for enlightening, liberal, accepting, NPR-ish, Terry Gross-like interview with Grandma Lopez.] |
CIGARETTE-PACK WARNING...
This show is for folks isn't for guilt-ridden liberals who can afford $50 gawking previews to the theatrical production of "Nickel and Dimed." This is no zoo and I am no dancing bear. This is a cabal for folks who know hard times. I don't mean you've sat through a few cute Hollywood trailer-park movies. No. I mean you've felt, tasted, and smelled hard times and wedged your crusty, nicotine-stained fingers in between Hard Times's sweaty thighs and had Hard Times ride you bronco hard. No slumming suburban pipsqueaks and no curious, ennui-ridden baby boomers killing time between escrows: trust me, you WILL be passed around like cheerleaders without panties at a frat party. Besides, you'll only get pissed off and want to storm off mumbling something about us not picking ourselves up by our American bootstraps while we're polishing yours.
(photo: Debra McClinton--this one's not for downloading) |
"After doing a weekend in the 10%-unemployed-city of Portland, Oregon and seeing so many girls proudly flashing their food stamp cards afterwards at the shwag table, we decided to give The Welfare Queen Discount: food stamp card holders would get $2 off from then on, and many came all three nights and laughed and laughed like it was the end of a TV show." ~Grandma Lopez | 
Motorcycle Photo credit: Christina
Shook (.com) --Click on photo to see full
300dpi high resolution version to download (WARNING:
High-res versions are large
files, up to 1.4MB). |
Yes, this is the PRESS INFO PAGE, BUT IT'S NOT FOR mean and smirky CRITICS. You know who you are. HOP AWAY. Move on. Go kick your own dog.
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Erika Lopez P.O. Box 410011 / San Francisco, CA 94141
