GRAND RISING/IT’S MY BIRTHDAY
i’m late with the ENDCAT project even though i’m over my writer’s block. well then i had…have… too much to write about. and then my neighbors started harassing and threatening me again and I’m just clawing my way out of my prior despair about the reality of Humanity because i’d warned them that now that James was dead, i would file for restraining orders.
and not two weeks after that, Hector Torres, Janiana Pereira’s man, threatened me so i’m going to court at the end of august for restraining order hearings against 5 of the tenants here at 1379-83 Hampshire.
i recapitulated the story at the link above so i’ll continue with what i now know for sure even though Sandra Pereira told me over and over: Lincoln Shaw, the landlord, along with Citywide Property, owned by Carol and Bill Cosgrove and run by Julie Van, illegal tampering by Andre Moreno, were all in on trying to frame me up to evict me.
But when they had me by the short hairs, they held onto me. My knee had been ravaged by my 5-day stay in jail and I couldn’t move myself or afford to hire movers and go somewhere with first last one month plus plus plus.
Even though Sandra Pereira cackled and taunted me that the landlord and citywide property were the ones who wanted her to do all these things to me, i never believed it because it didn’t make possible sense: i had stood up for her even though we didn’t get along and i hated her family ruthlessly subletting as they had other inc beach front property in brazil, i didn’t want her to get evicted for trying to get a leak fixed by calling the building inspectors on them because citywide ignored her pleas. then it’s open season on all of us.
but the Pereiras don’t think that way. everyone’s raping America for a buck and San Francisco has been left under a mattress in the alley to fuck until she’s crawling with worms.
but i’m apparently trapped here. meant to serve. but how?
i wanted to write books say things to inspire the New World that is to emerge. my life is theatre. uh oh. that means make something out of anything that foists itself into onto all over my LIFE.
i’ve been advocating for romance and vision and freedom and American fun to come back, but what to do with the sociopaths and psychopaths that rule over Humanity? i say just ignore them! move on!
but in the meantime we who make stories and are struggling to envision and pitch new stories where we’re not to be harvested at the end, we must test out our ideas in the real.
so if we’re trapped in a bureaucratic devouring mother time and Lincoln Shaw and Citywide had no problem whatsoever bringing out the devil in tenants i had befriended and helped, all because they wanted to sublet and hoard their mission san francisco rent control apartments and make a killing while the rest of us shmucks are trapped in these starter studios indefinitely?
my theory is that the story the American Story was gang raped and left for dead but i think that the formerly abused are going to be able to take all that i took and help midwife people away from pain despair and general hell, and away towards Love.
Love? yeah, love.
so how do you forgive love and yet hold people accountable for their evil deeds against others in society? it’s not about using the proper pronouns or not touching their hair.
so i’m going to openly write about all that happened to me because Lincoln Shaw has been here inciting the other tenants to harass me. it’s been going on a couple of decades. why did i let it go on?
because i never told James how bad it was. i wanted peace in our little valley. life with James …i didn’t need anything else. so i didn’t want to fight them with the system. just calling the cops makes everything go sideways and even getting temporary restraining orders has made Sandra do other things like set up speakers in her window whenever i’m outside and banging on the heating vents as well as floors.
she’s like a starving demon.
right after James died Sandra Pereira would come out and taunt me. my landlord who lives here in town, watered all this hate and it’s normal in this town.
so how do i fight all this that’s evil without becoming evil? i’m not sure but i will share it here because i haven’t yet forgiven Lincoln Shaw, Citywide, Andre Moreno, Helen “Simone” Bailey, Julie Van, Carol and Bill Cosgrove.
that they got so many people to do evil and lie about, like Andre Moreno, their handyman who built cool found object art and showed me his carved staffs and new grandchildren. he crowbarred Simone Bailey’s lock out of her door so they could say i kicked it in.
I’ve spent all year in mourning as James’ widow and running alongside that was my broken heart at what regular normal people did to both of us. people who’d seen our eyes. people i didn’t see as dangerous just passive and bitter with some serious self confidence issues.
i had no idea how … dangerous… that would could be and IS.
so if the world is running on misery and famished souls, private equity’s tax breaks and incentives make sense. yes, we’re commodified everything to the point of making money off our own distressed assets… ourselves and each other.
it’s the tech world way.
i am going to write an anti-Armistead Maupin “Tales of the City” about this building, 1379-83 Hampshire street in the mission, san francisco. everything that has happened here is a core sample of the history of this town.
i’m going to aim to legally prove the story of Lincoln Shaw’s and Citywide’s affects on this place and on this town, so that i can keep this from happening to others. see, since Lincoln Shaw started back up even after James had just died, and still messing with me in general with my stuff getting stolen (other stories), i realized they are having too much fun and mistake my passivity for being a pussy.
maybe i was. as a Quaker, i’ve been turning over my beliefs in pascifism and my generation X’s tendency to only want to talk things out face to face without courts being necessary, and realizing my olde ways are just not working.
so i’m going to work on forgiving Lincoln Shaw, Citywide et al, and all involved in torturing James and me at the lowest times in our lives—-all while still holding them accountable for what they did.
my birthday gift to myself is to not let this evil story make me vindictive. building the cases necessary to be able to write about this publicly on paper without getting sued (i’ll be in court ahead of time or after publishing so i might as well start it myself), and offering up a story of how to forgive with love while still holding the perpetrators accountable.
love isn’t always mushy gushy. sometimes it’s setting limits.
besides, i’ve no children and i can’t let this slide. it’s time we each fight back against sociopathic and psychopathic deeds that hurt us our families and each other.
Happy Birthday to me.
we artists must control the stories again. make them not so ugly. and do so in a way that doesn’t bring us low to their evil levels.
Lincoln Shaw, and Carol and Bill Cosgrove and Andre Moreno, Simone Bailey, Sandra Pereira, Janaina Pereira, Alex Lazzari, and Hector Torres wouldn’t be able to take a fraction of all they’ve doled out over the years.
Simone Bailey moved out because she couldn’t take the energy of the spell she created. being an asshole or a cunt is like taking a crap on yourself while letting menstrual blood crust down your leg… even if you’re a punk ass bitch of a “man” like Lincoln Shaw.
he orchestrated all this because he didn’t want to feel like the Pereira’s were “fucking him” by subletting and making bank enough to buy multiple California houses in san diego etc.
I don’t want James’ suffering to go like iti was nada.
But I also don’t want to carry hate around. I’m forced to birth this story. re-make it from a tragedy into a way of not letting the sociopaths win and divide and have us tear each other apart simply because they’ve got too much money and nothing better to do.
i just desperately wanted to be left alone to mourn in peace …but no dice.
i’m not at forgiveness yet. but close. once i realized forgiveness can also be paired well with accountability. / Then it seems like i can arrive there sooner.
i’m still in disbelief that people would and could be this evil. and for what? crap? layers and layers of illusions keep flinging away.
but still… i know Lincoln Shaw and the rest of them are miserable like twisted little drying up writhing maggots. happy people don’t spend decades trying to break a couple of people minding their own business just because they’re bored or bitter.
x
Lincoln Shaw owner of 1379-83 Hampshire Street who saves whales and hid his boomer rat tail