AN OPEN LETTER TO JESSICA MANN (AND OTHERS LIKE HER)

AN OPEN LETTER TO JESSICA MANN (AND OTHERS LIKE HER)

Dear Jessica,

i read your post-setencing letter that you wanted to fill the spaces between the yes and nos they required of you. you said that fucking weinstein was something akin to being prey in frozen shock, giving up and about to be disemboweled.

these nouveau hollywood and academic “feminists” taught you that the feeling of being a rabbit being disemboweled was proof that you were being raped.

but i realized how young you are and how childish all this is because feeling like a trapped frozen rabbit about to be fucked and eaten?…why, that is the existential hell that is being in america now! we ALL are feeling that way!

you all cannot blame all our existential angst of being an american now as weinstein’s fault.

i’m not making light of this. i’m hella serious. that helpless rabbit prey feeling is the feeling i fight every DAY, and now that the hollywood feminists have used you to fluff up their tattered aging consciousnesses on all this, you’re still young and beautiful. /

but while they said nothing when THEY were young beautiful and marketable, they let YOU go out and make it so no man will ever date you without wanting to come in your face afterwards so he can go home and post the shot online.

—

when i was probably in my early twenties, i’d somehow clawed my way into a respectable old art school after a wild life of running away and being shipped around or becoming a ward of the court. and while i was out to a nice dinner with my mother, i’d discreetly picked up the colombian bus boy with green eyes.

i wanted to be wild and free and have stories about all my zipless fucks when i was done fucking.

so he showed up after his shift late in the wee hours of the morning, smelling like rancid food and i went through with it because he was sweet and what did i think was gonna happen? so i went through with it with a can-do attitude, and fell fast asleep.

i woke up with him on top, inside me fucking me like crazy once i woke, and i let him finish and was too skeeved to ever answer his calls or see him again. i was glad we were in different worlds/ but that was the POINT wasn’t it?

i figured it was ME. / i just wasn’t getting all this wild free crazy sex even as i LOVE sex and have been thinking of sex since i was very young.

so i figured i was a broken asexual person.

then i went to giovanni’s room (book store) in philadelphia and found a book of testimonies of women who didn’t know they’d been assaulted and i ended up sobbing in a chair from remembering EVERYTHING that’d happened to me in my life that i’d forgotten about, and i was feeling like a poor little victim.

i later told my mother what happened and how i realized i was raped after the fact and my mother, a second wave feminist who LIVED feminism in how she worked and did business. she paid women more than they asked if they were worth it because she wanted them to value themselves. she didn’t want to save money on their backs.

so i tell my mom how much of a victim i was and she stops me cold and says something like, “DON’T YOU DARE PULL THAT AS A WOMAN WHEN YOU WENT ALL IN. THERE WAS A TIME BACK WHEN WOMEN WOULD DO THIS AND SWITCH THE GAME ON MEN LAST MINUTE AND IT’S NOT RIGHT. IT UNDERMINES EVERYTHING WE’RE FIGHTING FOR. IT’S DANGEROUS TO CASUALLY CRY RAPE ON A MAN BECAUSE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND.

“ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS? OR ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY HELPLESS VICTIM? OWN HOW YOU TREATED YOURSELF AND MADE THE SITUATION, AND LET IT CONTINUE, AND DON’T BLAME ANY MAN AFTER THE FACT./ TO BE AN ADULT AND TO BE IN CHARGE OF ANYTHING MEANS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF SAYING DIFFICULT THINGS AND SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF.”

i’m letting you know my viewpoint on freedom power strength honor and responsibility, and my struggles so you know where i’m personally coming from and you can judge what i say with more information.

i’m also a colored girl who’s had a lifetime of testing out these so-called white elite “feminist” ideals precepts ideologies edicts accidents…whatever you want to call them.

while my folks, just like everyone’s, were lousy with contradictions, that does not matter; what matters to me is that they each always tried to get to the truth of justice and not vilify or victimize others… as much as possible.

thing is, we’re all human you cannot get through this life unscathed. merely living could often be considered “abuse,” and what made me want to write you is that i accidentally landed on variety’s site with you post-sentencing statement, and i read it all. i cannot read it again because it was beautifully written. you are a closet poet and i cannot cartoonize you and just write you off as another stupid “white girl” in this jewish version of “birth of a nation” plays out before us all as a lesson about stepping out out line.

i have to write you because one of my teachers, my gurus, Alex Osborne, told me to write a love letters to the two girls i see as my new daughters, and i didn’t want to. because writing makes me CARE and i didn’t want to CARE about them any more than i already did. i didn’t want to HURT.

and thus i cannot cleanly write a love letter to them until i get clean with you in my own self and write a letter to you. because as “X” (Alex Osborne) taught me, in order to love his people more, he had to love ALL people.

so to love my new baby daughter wild girls properly, i have to also love YOU. you whom i scowl at as i think you’ve made it so anyone can use regret to claim “rape.”

but i write you ultimately because i realized that YOU are my baby daughter, too. you, dear Jessica Mann, have just made yourself a pariah and will only court men who want to come in your face at the end of a first date.

i got it. and i realized you’ve been used by your older sisters. why? because i realized:

you’re cute and the judge slammed weinstein because he wanted to fuck you, too!

oh but the judge is not the scoundrel! again, it is my sisters. your elder sisters.

this is NATURE!

they have used and betrayed you. they certainly won’t pay your rent after this. and anyone who hires you does it like buying a dead celebrity’s house for the parties…you eventually dull and tire of the stories and go move onto to some other “story.”

Like Monica sitting in lawn chairs at roadside stands, doing cross country tours so customers can take selfies with her old crusty dress.

they didn’t do it on purpose. it’s just… american.

that’s also why i’m writing this open letter to you. i saw your photos read your words and you’re still floating passively through these events, being the girl getting gang banged, and soon every one else will return to their castles and you’ll be all alone with a semen-stained dress and creepy texts for all your troubles.

you believe that the jurors know anything at all. when you have fucked one of the most powerful men in the world, and was sweet enough to think he was now your “boyfriend,” and yet now you know more than these bitter angry vengeful women.

however i don’t think you are in your body or mind because anyone who ever loved or even thought they loved anyone at all–hell, even just seeing a vulnerable human naked should make you cringe at sending them to prison EVER.

but enough tragedy has happened today. somewhere with these precedents that have been set about white girls changing their minds, i can only see more black men getting shit for this nonsense down the line. and it won’t be “racist” because it’s the weinstein law. brilliantly done.

yes. white women have indeed completely hijacked the civil rights movement. / brilliant. they are victims and in charge now.

but i worry for Black Men because any and every law is used to break down a black man when all else fails. so this “changed my mind” law about rape will once again put more black men in jail. Harvey’s counts in this instance as he’s jew-as-nigger in this one. there are so many askerisks and foot note addendums i’m still reeling at the genius.

because fucking a truly Black man will change how you see everything and some can’t handle it. and obama’s not Black. he’s black. lowercase “b.” Michele can grind as she’s from chicago. even if she was in the books while everyone else was dancing, it’s in her. she’s felt it seen it. but obama? nah. he doesn’t have that GRIND…that’s REAL Black Man Fucking.

you can tell by the music a man plays for you just how good it can be. right Larry? right X1? i never fucked either of you but i know. and JJ… as professional as he can come off, nah… LISTEN. especially when he’s in a MOOD.

KPOO is all drama to me. they’re all naked to me. i hung on their very voices to make it back to myself.

besides anyone who sells out his preacher for a job isn’t Black. i’m talking obama here.

you’ve fucked weinstein. whether it makes you cringe or not, i think if you were cringing then, it’s you being disgusted at YOURSELF. which is FINE. channel all this “disgust.”

but i know that you weren’t so disgusted by weinstein. you got caught up in THEIR story.

i think annabella sciorria was telling the truth about actual straight up rape. it’s not just rosie being her friend at the time. / it’s her EYES. annabella’s mad and has been mad from jump. she’s not over it.

this did NOT happen to you and you claim this grey area slow motion “rape.” fine. hold onto your story out in public.

but i believe you DID love him once because no matter how ugly everyone else tells you someone is or should be, you and i know that the reality of fucking anyone and knowing them makes them BEAUTIFUL.

it’s all in how you choose to see it.

i lost my own father to the feminist narrative that all men are evil and bad. and i was not made to thrive under the feminist way feminists treat aggressive curious loner girls like me who don’t wanna fit in with other girls even as i love all us women and girls.

i saw that basically… they put black men in jail who are pillars of the community and fight back and are intelligent and can mobilize people.

as i grew up learning: what they do to them they’ll do to YOU so be careful.

and they’re doing that to men now.

what i’m saying is that:

Jessica Mann… you have fucked weinstein over a period of YEARS. sex is messy complicated and often SUCKS. sex is often about what we expect or learn or and it is how we learn more about OURSELVES…

i think you have heart and while you may not get a thing i’m saying, maybe LATER when you are having trouble you will get some of this and can use it to climb out.

because you ARE my “daughter” or i must treat you as one, think of you as one.

and thus, i am going to tell you that you can flip their story of you as helpless frozen bunny victim, and i want you to start realizing that a lot of your DISILLUSIONMENT, for that is a lot of the disappointment any WOMAN (or Lover) behind the scenes of power… you see how fucking silly and theatrical it is. you see the TINSEL in the harsh light of day.

(look at Melania. her eyes SCREAM no longer “frozen helpless rabbit,” they scream “YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SOLD THIS PRIME GRADE A PUSSY FOR THIS?”

–then comes the realization. a stage of acceptance–

“…OKAY. THIS IS WHAT THEY SEEM TO THINK IS ALL THAT AND A GIRL’S GOTTA SURVIVE.”

so she gives EVERYONE that haughty disinterested “you all are pussies” blank look because she knows how weak everyone is.)

you realize everyone’s cowering before this mere mass of human helpless sweaty humping old man FLESH??? the world revolves around these shmucks? they’re ridiculous! they can’t even fuck! 30 second humps and a grunt and drop.

yeah. i think Melania knows that pinned paralyzed bunny feeling quite well.

and it’s disappointing because …WHERE’s the real rainbow ending???

and the feministy people say, “OVER HERE!”

but they are sacrificing you so they can feel better about a lot of the regrets that plague all of us for what we are forced to become in this system. we’re each evil and whorish. we’re forced to be. no one’s actually free…

HENCE THE PARALYSIS OF “FUCK IT/ THEY’RE PULLING OUT MY INTESTINES BEFORE MY VERY EYES… NOTHING TO DO ABOUT THAT NOW… I WILL JUST HAVE TO SIT HERE AND WATCH AND HOPE FOR SOME PASSING OUT MERCY…OH, THEY’VE ALL GOT ERECTIONS NOW….”

yes. we eat rabbits and kitty cats torture their prey for fun.

but you are not a rabbit. you are not helpless white girl victim.

you have fucked a god and if you waste all that you know, all that you have LEARNED, you really are a whore you fucked all that for nothing. you are just a victim footnote in a story and that shit doesn’t age well.

ask those women who rode you.

—

here’s how i see it:

there were plenty of other baby starlets who said no and have no careers as a result.

but they (hollywood feminist “victims”) cashed in on the casting couch deal when they were cute. they benefitted from the casting couch all this time. they’ve got Stuff. prestige.

but not youth. now they are old with frozen faces and lots of regret.

regret because women don’t really tell you how to watch out anymore; mothers suggest their daughters get boob jobs.

so it sucks when you didn’t know how to rehearse the hard things coming up in life, because you didn’t see it even coming. you didn’t think anything was this way because it’s all a fuckine lie only you figure maybe it’s only this way for YOU, as everyone else seems to be fine with shit. and they tell you talent and skill and merit actually MEAN SOMETHING.

but REGRET…

they gave us the pill and feminists and the ’60s said good sex was fucking EVERYONE when it’s actually the most TOILET FEELING IN THE WORLD, and that abortions were like having an impacted crap sucked out of you. nothing more.

and even though i’m almost 53, this last decade dancing around, i’ve had mostly young cats in their twenties with the balls left to approach me but i won’t FUCK ’em because in spite of what women think of men, they are NOT dogs and they DO get attached, quite attached, and they fall in love.

i do not think it is responsible for me to do that to young men and then send ’em on their way to deal with women their own age who’re totally different. i’d ruin a man and it’s best he not even KNOW what’s possible til he finds his way there himself with some HIS AGE.

anyhow, when i tell them we’re not fucking, at first they’re disappointed, but we are still SWEET and then they relax and get to be themselves and not trying to jackhammer my leg like porn they’ve seen that is based on medication and nothing in reality at all. listen to MUSIC. it’ll tell you all you need to know about truly FUCKING… pushing your hip into it or just flowing…

so all this fucking fast IS A LIE THAT YOU CAN HAVE ANY TRULY GOOD SEX AT ALL. / beyond that all you’re trashing yourself for is some fucking shitty STORY to tell yourself or others later.

weinstein and the judge are like democrats and republicans… they BOTH wanna fuck you, only one’s gonna fuck you raw and the other one’s gonna hump you with his pants on then ask if he can finish and come in your face like a NICE man.

(i actually had a date like that once when i was an art chick in philadelphia. he was a white progressive preacher cat from princeton who was on the cover of time as an up and coming all around great guy.)

the reality is that guys feel the same way and just like imprisoning all the smartest strongest black men and cheating us of their potential, well, the same shit is happening to the kind of men who’re actually most likely to fight this paralysis of being a frozen bunny, waiting to be disemboweled.

you say what you want, but i know from experience, often we’re fucking “ahead” ourselves and what we’re ready for.

in time i hope, Jessica, that you can find the holy in all that TIME you fucked Weinstein. i’m not saying it was great. many i’d even bet MOST “great” men can’t even fuck because to fuck well means you’ve got other priorties than your ego.

ego fucking is as vapid as taking a selfie of yourself next to monica’s semen stained dress in the muggy weather.

sex often at the time, especially when we’re just starting out, the private us is way different than the public us… even and especially with MEN.

so i hope you are able to take your own story and go beyond the victim one because there is no future for you there.

they used you like back when the feminists used linda lovelace. she had to go back to fucking on camera because she basically felt more used by the feminists as they never paid her or offered her a fucking JOB.

that’s YOU now.

tell me i’m not right about the kind of men trying to date you now if at all.

you can become a lesbian separatist in the woods but talk about feeling like a paralyzed bunny being eaten alive by a predator. being around a coven of feminists will make weinstein seem like a bumbling asshole.

i’m not defending him here and now. / i’m saying you’ve got an ugly lonely future ahead of you if you don’t use your beautiful writing and time alone you will surely have, to find out what YOU think about YOURSELF. fuck what the jurors think. they probably wanted to fuck you, too.

if rose mcgowan took the stand as she is now, they would’ve made her give the $100k BACK to him.

they used you. / but you’re going to pay for the rest of your life. they know that. that’s why they never said anything til decades later.

we’re all assholes.

i’m modeling my current assholery on Kali with the help of Basul’s tutoring. being an asshole can be a necessary and very GOOD thing. it’s more up front than all this passive aggressive bullshit.

good luck, Jessica Mann. don’t waste a drop.

being a true artist is turning the shit in our lives into sustaining delicious FOOD we can share.

flip the script.

how? i don’t know.

but don’t let this be ALL shit. you’re actually a good WRITER. reWRITE the SCRIPT.

that’s what i’m trying to do MYSELF.

good luck with all this.

by the way, i read enough “code” in your piece that you weren’t all whore. i actually think you went beyond looks and what others said and you existed with weinstein in a private world that you think the feminists have said didn’t ever exist.

i’m here to tell you it DID. i come from powerful people and have loved them and known them. they’re all complicated fucked up and struggling.

don’t take their weakness as anything to be ashamed of. / use it to be inspired. flip the, “is that all this is???” reaction. / yeah… .after the disillusionment, that this is all there is and he’s just flesh and silly blood, then you realize you ALSO have the power to go in and co-create whatever’s next.

(it’s all just a mind fuck… society and people in charge and us ALL taking it up the asses and being afraid to ask for MORE… that is not just being a small woman underneath a piggish producer but it’s SOCIETY and what it requires of us… or else. that’s why you wanna learn to love such men so we may all yoke our powers to greater purposes than being famous so we can get pussy… or GIVE it)

writing helps bring new ideas and thoughts into BEING. it’s a first step not the final one for the fucking memoir.

but writing as magic… it seems like people who write deep go into mystical places of “knowing.” you GO there.

fuck the ego. / it’s THE TINSEL!

but as long as you can feel fine with a man going to jail for 23 years… you’re in Tinsel and bullshit.

see the power you have? just being a young white girl? even the feminists wanna fuck you.

don’t be like Vanessa Del Rio, who realized when it was too late, that she could’ve said NO. that she had more power than she dared realize!

how the fuck could the girl being gang banged realize she’s in CHARGE?

there.. THAT is what you must learn now.  step up to goddess and go past the bunny passivity. that’s for REGULAR women.

you know what i mean. you wrote love letters that i think you actually believed….

don’t go for their vision of a bland utopia. or what “jurors” think.

think for yourself. this is what feminism was originally supposed to be about, not this bloodthirsty sport it’s become.

so hold hands and dare to also protect yourself and be virginal so you weed out the ones who’re sticking around just til they can come in your face.

you’ve been Sentenced, too.

during this time i hope you come to have heart to detest such a harsh punishment, and i hope that you can also learn to find the erotic in the memories as you grow older.

because one day you may jerk off to the memory of being so endlessly fuckable, you brought a man down who fucked you like you were life itself.

shit is hella complicated. i hope you discover that and never waste a drop.

i’ve come around to be able to jerk off to many, many of my old memories that used to make me shudder and feel shame. now they are the hottest scariest fodder for getting off.

you fucked a god. a god with a lowercase “g” is a man who made shit happen and change the world. you cannot be untouched.

you can flip this into such power that your ass inspired fusion like Betty Davis’ ass. that is my vision for the power of sex. but Miles didn’t get it. they say it’s HIS fault her career not flying. i say why’d SHE cave as strong as SHE was?

apparently she went slack on herself, too.

so good luck on eventually jerking off to ALL this shit. it’s power. white girl power turned from naive bon bon eating that invariably becomes a bloodthirsty event for others, into healing and a true loving power. anyone power. don’t waste your moment or the lessons.

mel brooks felt that ridiculing power was the best revenge, but i think jerking off to what nearly undid you is the best revenge.

Annabella Sciorra is so NOT there. you don’t want your eyes to be scared angry and feral like hers. she will never get the revenge she craves. she has become her eyes now.

and you don’t wanna be like Mira Sorvino. anyone who cheers someone going to prison and losing everything and their family to appease her feminine honor is a cunt and i realize why she was always blank to me: because any truly good actor is never all good or all bad.

your own eyes seem dead unfocused slightly stoned but not even that pleasurable… your eyes seem vague unfocused scanning desperately and wanting approval… don’t let your eyes remain vague and dead, unlike your WRITING.

and good writers and good writing must not make silly villains of one side over another. that’s not any real story; that’s propaganda. you must love your villains. there are no true monsters. just other sides of ourselves.

that’s how you come to get off on things that once terrified you: now i see that colombian guy with the light brown skin and green eyes as us just cluelessly being human together and he was confused and excited and i was confused about how to do this wild crazy independent female thing.

and beauty is so fleeting as to be downright undependable as a plan for getting by. that’s why it’s so powerful. don’t waste it while you have it. use it for good. that’s the best way to keep your face looking young and your soul light enough to get back up. never be desperate or mean. desperation and vengefulness is like wearing concrete weights on your face and soul.

x